I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
