I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
