My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Im part way to drunk.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
