I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
