Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
