Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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