Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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