I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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