Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
