So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Randomize
