Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
