Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
