ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
