I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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