3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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