I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
