I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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