I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
