Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Randomize
