don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize