smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
