if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
