can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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