Girls should come with a carfax report
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
