I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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