I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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