I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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