3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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