woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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