other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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