the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
