There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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