Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Barsexuality is the new black.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize