So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
