When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize