I can text with my tongue
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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