This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
