so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
