I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
