I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
