apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
