we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
