Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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