he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Rumble strips road head = magical
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
