just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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