she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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