Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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