my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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