Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
