he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
