My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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