The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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