Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
