We need to rekindle our bromance
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
