maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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