can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
