Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
