Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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