Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
