My first STD was from a foam party
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize