i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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