He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
