Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
