my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
