I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
