ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
